i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
