This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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