ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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