yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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