so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
