yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
