Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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