My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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