there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
