i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
