but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
