There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
