Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
