Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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