You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize