I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
