Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
