dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
