woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
