God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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