She said her name was "party"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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