Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
