Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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