dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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