Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
