i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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