TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How external is "for external use only"?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
