too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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