I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
