Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
