i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
