my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
