What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
