when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
