Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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