it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
