Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize