You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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