i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
