I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
