here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
