i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
