i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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