I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
