whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my being single is dangerous.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
