this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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