..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
