Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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