my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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