no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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