Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
