he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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