So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
