And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
