Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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