I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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