I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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