I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
