When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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