Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
