If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
