I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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