Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
