We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
soo... how was my night?
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