You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
