its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
