You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
