Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
