hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
