just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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