He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I party with great urgency now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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