I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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