i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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