i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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