One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
