I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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