yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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