I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
