Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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