I have demons in me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
