yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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