Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.