You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES