she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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